Chapter Six
Kookie
Racing was over.
University failure #1 was over, I wasn't interested to begin with.
This was my first summer going to work. Swiss Chalet from the Cara company beat East Side Marios to the punch in hiring me.
There was a pretty fit girl with long blonde hair that was practically white. She wasn't too pleased with me at first, she worked behind the bar and thought I took her server position.
These weren't the only people, there were two other cute teenage girls that caught my interest. I was a year removed from high school, still wasn't a legal adult yet or drinking age.
I'll never forget Susan the first time I was done work and they were sitting at the back where employees would hang out at the end of a shift eating discounted Swiss food.
"Don't you go talking to those girls Chris!"
What do you think the first thing I did was? Even more so because of her statement! Went and approached them, introduced myself and said hello.
I've been avoiding real names when writing this, I'm going to break that decision here. It was Krystal and Emily I introduced myself to.
...
It didn't take long for me to start putting the moves on Krystal.
I'm sorry but it's the truth, we dated, and she was a nasty b____h during our time together. She was hot!...
Were we even ever together? Or was she just stringing me along?
I bought and gave her jewellery to try to woo her.
I went to a family outing of hers where it was hard not to feel like a joke to everyone.
The time we went to the Von Mills mall and she decided on a little competition I declined to participate in.
Krystal "Let's play a game and see who can pick up more people while we're here!"
Which is the exact opposite of what I would ever want any day of my life, and out of a girlfriend. You win! I decline to participate
When we texted on the phone she would get so snippy with me if I didn't IMMEDIATELY respond to her. But if I was waiting for a text, I better wait!...
...
I don't think this counts as harem territory. But as there was a shift in who was with who...
Me and the girl with long blonde-white hair went roller skating together.
Another cringe experience from yours truly. I wasn't working out then, she was! She did rowing I think.
We went to a Plain White T's concert together. This is a relevant detail for later.
I bought Emily a CD from the concert as I was there with her.
And this is where this officially starts to look bad on my behalf looking back.
I couldn't pull off being a womanizer if my life depended on it!
...
GF Swap Story
So.....
The four of us were hanging out at one of the rents grandeur homes. I think there was a pool.
Me, Krystal, Emily, and introducing.
Me & Emily were hitting it off like two old pals, she was so easy for me to talk to today.
Meanwhile Krystal and Pixel-bro were off on their own a lot.
Things got intoxicating that night. Me & her both woke up the next morning looking at eachother with that puzzling look.
Did we do you know what last night?
...
So..... there was something in the air gossip wise about Emily not wanting photos or video taken of her from pixel-bro, who was pushing for this.
Pixel bro out of nowhere confesses to me "Oh, Emily is just an in-between girlfriend until I found someone better, something to play with."
"Bro's code dude! Don't say anything!"
I never signed up or agreed to any sort of bro code in my lifetime. You are not my friend, and fuck that.
I went straight to Krystal and shared the dirty details. I think she told Emily about what I shared.
Pixel-bro & Emily broke up after this.
Chris & Krystal broke up not much longer after this.
...
Months Later
Me and Emily started talking again. She was the easiest person in the world for me to talk to, I could be myself around her.
It didn't take long for me to ask her out to the movies.
Cue flashback to first dream girl I wouldn't of met if it wasn't for the first fake girlfriend in my life.
I spent more of the movie glancing at her trying to find my moment.
We held hands.
...
Important Foreshadowing Details
Her ex was none too pleased with my existence. Not pixel-bro!
I think this was to my understanding the *real* boyfriend from her past.
The one I out of character forgave her on first blush for admitting she had been plucked.
There were a series of restaurant outings at none other that East Side Mario's I permitted Emily to attend when she asked me for permission on her own accord.
Pixel Bro 2 was trying to convince her, over three outings I believe? That she should get back together with him.
I wasn't happy about this, or really ok with it. But I was being out of character and I stomached it. Normally I'd be the over-sensitive jerk.
I don't think she liked being put on the spot like this, being pressured. She was always mad/grumpy with pixel-bro 2 and my cousin from PF standing, hovering around the outside whenever I would pick her up.
..., oh yeah!
:)
She chose me!
Unlike all the other fake girlfriends over my lifetime.
Side Quest Six - Virgin Dating
We were the real deal. She was a real girlfriend.
Maybe I should back up for a second here.
After the movies. This is what we did our first night together. We hung out and played Wario Inc. on the Wii.
That was a flawless night. It was perfect. The right balance of silly and fun, no attempts at anything inappropiate.
Nothing too deep. Just fun, pass the controller back and forth minigame madness. It was the perfect game for a first date night at my place.
...
Game Over Pixel Bros
I don't know if I was out of character, or free to be myself around Emily.
Unlike all the fake girlfriends. I was over trying to 'get laid'. I didn't want to bother confronting whatever disconnect I had lingering from when I broke my femur bone in grade six.
She took charge on a different night.
This didn't last, but there was a nice phase where Emily was using up spending the night at girlfriends places to have a sleepover with yours truly.
I was not the agressor the first time. She was, her exact words were:
"I'm going to make a man out of you."
Oh, Emily. You have no idea how much this haunts me.
She freely admitted she didn't expect much our first time and that it was fine.
Pixel Bro 2 had started pressuring Emily on info. He wanted the deets on if me and Emily had become intimate yet or not.
She didn't like this very much. He was lingering around her locker being an unwelcome presence in her life.
She also didn't like how Pixel Bro 2 and a cousin from my family tree were hanging around outside the school entrance/exit when I would be there to pick her up.
One day he pushed way too hard into the topic when she was in the mood that day.
I think I did much better the second time around.
Cue the Kookie Monster.
My nickname for Emily was Kookie.
Let's just say it's fair to say from here on out I'm the aggressor.
Courting
One step forward and one step back, then one step forward again as far as timelines go.
There isn't too much for me to add here because I've been completely unable to get things going, whether business-wise, computers, waiting year in and year out for instruments come Christmas to pull this off.
This was the song I learned and played for Kookie when we were starting it.
Yet another moment that continues to haunt me to this day.
Like I've written earlier, I can play all the instruments, but composing IS another instrument I haven't been able to discern and process.
Crystal
Emily's best friend at PF and an ex-girlfriend of mine... if you could call it that deserves an honourable mention.
She sure seemed to sneak herself back into the picture after Local Link .
I won't dig too much into that aspect of how things looked after we ended.
It's worth mentioning from my perspective on things. Emily was done with Krystal while we were together.
I never tried to plant ideas in her mind, that was 100% her decision and I supported her in that choice either way.
Not until after.....
...
Busta Rhymes, Paramore, The Hush Sound, & Plain White Tee's were some of the sounds of our relationship.
This song deserves special mention because Emily loved this one.
Re-watch or listen to this song after a completed read-thru of this book.
Prove them wrong
I've been struggling to recall how this conversation started.
I was attempting to share the divide or conflict between my parents and myself I've never been able to convince another besides her.
I couldn't make sense of it all and outline myself then.
Yearly gifts that'll make others jealous might seem grand from the outside looking in. But when you're the one on the inside...
This is why I'm writing book now!
A gift of a guitar you don't get to play because you're always at the track racing.
Reference Sidequest 11 - First Drum Lesson
Forgetting the piece the puzzle together story I'm trying to explain and hopefully you're reading!
...
Whatever I said that day, Emily got it.
The idea of me becoming a stunt person originates from her, here.
She thought since I got screwed going pro as a race car driver, isn't that a good transfer of my skill set?!
I wish I could of remembered what needed to be referenced. What had to happen to remind me of that, didn't until after she & me ended.
Black-outs
I had a saying I would always say when things would go upside-down racing.
Emily would say the exact same line to me everyday we hung out and she would briefly complain/mention blacking out.
Let's say we both stand up from cuddling and watching TV for example.
Everyone hung out on that bed when I still had friends.
We'd stand up, and I never saw it once because it was always so brief.
"Ooh! Just blacked out there for a second!
The line that was always returned to me that hit me deep because I used to say it.
"I'm a tank! Don't sweat it, I'm good!"
... that's it. It would be one to two sentences over something that would last less than a second I never saw once.
Me "Ok! If you say you're good. I don't want to bother or trouble you over nothing."
Dirty Dancing
Me and Emily didn't fight. She was my high-school sweetheart and the only one that left me in a state of girlfriend bliss. What I always wanted out of life.
I was sold! In my mind I had already found my wife for life.
We were just enjoying being boyfriend and girlfriend until she was done highschool. Then we both wanted to give our respective parents the boot and get on with our own lives together.
There was one random day where out of nowhere. She was mad and started picking a fight arguing with me over nothing.
Literally nothing. I promise females everywhere this wasn't some stupid male dunce moment where I just didn't get what I was doing wrong.
Things were 100% fine one moment, it showed in her body language. And she flipped the switch for first time out of nowhere and I was dumb-struck.
...
Things started changing between me and her after that. In a weird way.
We celebrated every month anniversary and planned on continuing until we reached the first year together.
Past the six-month anniversary and before the eight-month I'd wager a guess.
Emily made plans to be with her other best friend Lindsay on our eight month anniversary.
I was cool with it! There was a big party happening, and since me and her were always connected by the hip. If I didn't text or call, she would, and we talked everyday.
She deserved a break!
...
Sorry Emily, I can't speak my truth without treading ground I don't believe you want covered.
Emily was told by her family doctor to go off of birth control. The physician figured that might have something to do with it.
Of course I was grumpy about this as a guy. And I wouldn't blame anyone male or female for questioning my motives here.
My second senses went off and I knew there was something very wrong here.
"Emily, I think you should pursue this further and get tested more. Something's not right."
...
Vivid memory of the only day I let Emily go behind the wheel. She hadn't driven yet, and I didn't know if she was ever going to get the chance.
Emily wasn't Emily anymore at this point. But I couldn't put my finger on what was wrong.
I took her to where my old home used to be on Carriage Court. A quiet street where I let her drive like a snail sitting on my lap.
I was afraid she was never going to get to know that pleasure in life.
...
On the day of our eight-month anniversary I got an unexpected call first thing in the morning.
Emily was going to SickKids hospital. She had a brain tumor they needed to drill to test if it was malignant.
I cried much harder than I'm crying right now that fateful morning.
I loathe how I responded to her in the midst of that emerging crisis during this phone call.
I broke down instead of staying strong.
...
I'll save you the wait.
...
...
Emily had a malignant brain tumor in the centre of her brain.
There was not an ideal angle for the doctors to use.
...
I asked her Dad for a private moment at his place one day to ask permission to take Emily to a musical. I always considered this moment one step away from asking for her hand in marriage. I thought he got it.
Emily had always wanted to see a play and never had.
We went to the Old Spaghetti Factory first for food, followed by Dirty Dancing.
I had my cellphone off because of the play.
I asked for permission prior, but Dad changed his mind halfway through, and Emily was furious.
Emily "That is EXACTLY like him to do this! He can't allow anyone else to have fun or have a good time. It's always about HIM!"
Ron was threatening to call the cops and cause a big scene.
Something started to snap in my mind that day, and every time I think it can't get worse, a certain psychosis of the mind started to inflict me in that moment.
Emily knew I was about to go ballistic in that hallway. I was so far past my breaking point, and every time you think you can't go further, the mind must endure another layer.
It was already over, this was the beginning of the end.
Moment of Clarity
The scene. Outside on a dark night with a thinly veiled cold crisp to the air.
I just made the mistake of being a little too friendly when hugging Emily to pick up my things she had been using.
We talked in my truck and in this moment. Emily was back. This is a moment of clarity.
Long story short, we break up here. This is the end of us.
She quoted her Dad's selfish outburst in T.O. as a leading reason why.
She didn't want to be a reason that I was held back in life. With me crying blasphemy to the contrary, it's supposed to be us against the world no matter what! Together forever!
She made me promise three things.
- Don't change. "I love who you are Chris, and I will not be the same after this. The Emily you know and love is gone, and she isn't coming back from this. I know how this goes from my own mom getting cancer and passing on."
- Don't give up on you dreams. "I can't be the reason you're held back in life. I don't want to be that to you."
- Keep dating. "I want you to be happy, and meet someone else. I know you'll find someone special!"
Spoiler Alerts
- I changed.
- If I didn't give up on my dreams, the world sure turned its back and gave up on them. Long before you made me the happiest person in the world. Dream complete.
- I failed. This is another dream of mine I can't bring to fruition. I haven't been on a formal date once since you.
Did you really love me? Were we really together?
Disney movie
Couples have a thing where they bring up what Disney movie was 'their year', right?
